Dhanurdhara Swami November 19th, 2000
Govardhana
“Lord Nityananda is very merciful. Taking one’s faith he gives the highest ecstasy.” (Dalalera-gita by Bhaktivinoda Thakur)
We met again for sanga. I’ve never experienced bhajans like this! Is it the mercy of Govardhana or the quality of the sadhu-sanga here? Am I finally getting some taste for Krishna consciousness?
My thoughts during kirtan: I felt completely satisfied and proud to be a Vaishnava, to be a disciple of Srila Prabhupada, to have the association of his sincere servants, to be an aspiring renunciate.
Dhanurdhara Swami November 18th, 2000
Govardhana
“Now that I have surrendered all that I posses unto your lotus feet, I throw myself down before Your house. You are the master of the house; kindly consider me your dog.” (Sarvasva Toma Carane; “Everything unto Your Feet” from Saranagati by Bhaktivinoda Thakur)
H.H. Niranjana Swami has arrived to stay in Govardhana for a month. We will meet every evening in his room for sadhu-sanga, centered on gaura-bhajans. In my opinion, no one sings gaura-bhajans like Niranjana Swami. He begins:
‘doyal nitai caitanya’ bole” nac re amar man
nac re amar man, nac re amar man
“Chanting the holy names ?Doyal Nitai Caitanya!??Oh my mind dances! Oh my mind dances! Oh my mind dances!”
Partha-Sarathi Prabhu, Gunagrahi Swami, Jayadvaita Maharaja, everyone becomes deeply absorbed in the timeless world of nama-kirtan. Some clear realizations:
I have been in Govardhana for a month trying to enter the mood of Govardhana, but attachment to Lord Gauranga and imbibing His mood of worship is the easiest path of entrance to Govardhana and the pastimes of Radha and Krishna.
There are followers of Srila Prabhupada with spiritual attainment. The future for sadhu-sanga looks bright. I am eager for their association, birth after birth.
Dhanurdhara Swami November 17th, 2000
Vrindaban/Govardhana
While visiting the temple this morning I again met a few devotees who needed to speak to me. I therefore arrived back in my room an hour after schedule. My class is from Wednesday to Friday, so I will this leave this afternoon to spend my weekend in Govardhana. After lunch, I packed my bags in a rush because my ride would be waiting to leave immediately after my class. In general I saw my day thrown into passion. During the ride to Govardhana, I could sense some anxiety, but when I searched for the cause I really couldn’t find anything substantial. My conclusion:
Much of our anxiety is more related to the mode that we are in than to the actual circumstances of our lives. The symptom of goodness is happiness and the symptom of passion is distress. A lot of mental illness could be cured if people had a sattvic lifestyle.
Dhanurdhara Swami November 16th, 2000
Japa Kutir, Vrindaban
About five years ago I was standing in front of the altar of Sri Sri Radha-Shyamasundar next to my friend Virabahu Prabhu, who was looking reverentially at the Deities. In his very formal and dignified voice, slightly tinged with an aristocratic Spanish accent, he turned to me and said, “This is the most beautiful Srimati Radharani in the world!” Yes, the resplendent beauty of Radharani here on the Sri Sri Radha-Shyamsundar altar is unparalleled. A nice sign hangs to the right of Radha-Shyamasundar listing the 26 transcendental qualities of Srimati Radharani. I?ve started memorizing two qualities every time I take darshan and then meditate on the Deities thinking of her qualities. Today:
- She can agitate Krishna by the flavor of her glance.
- She is expert in the art of singing.
Bhakti comes by spontaneous and practical service to a Vaishnava, and that attraction will only increase by their association and service. Eager to emulate them, we will carefully observe their activities. The mood of a Vaishnava is seva, or bhakti, and a Vaishnava’s activity is the glorification of Krishna. A desire in our heart then will grow to have their nature (desire). A desire for a desire is the same as that desire. Thus once attraction to the nature of a Vaishnava, which is devotion, has arisen in one?s heart, bhakti-devi has also manifest in one’s heart.
Dhanurdhara Swami November 15th, 2000
Japa Kutir, Vrindaban
One naturally organizes his environment according to one’s desires and modes. The japa-kutir was designed and named by Baladeva Vidyabhusana as a place for devotional practices. I am also consciously trying to organize my room for my spiritual needs. I no longer sleep on a bed. In the evening I roll out a thin mattress on the floor so I can put it in away during the day and mop the floor where I sleep. The change was inspired by a sadhu who told me that those who are serious about bhajan don’t like chanting with foreign entities around, referring to the dirt and contamination from sleeping. My simple wooden bed is therefore reserved as my place of worship. On the side of the bed, next to the window, I’ve placed my asana (seat of worship). This vantage point gives me a perfect view of the domes on top of Srila Prabhupada?s samadhi, which are about two hundred yards from the japa-kutir and across the fifty-acre field that borders our house.
There have been some improvements to the japa-kutir since we got Panditji, our new caretaker, even though he’s eccentric and very easily upset. “Light swamiji! Light swamiji!” he calls out every morning and every night to remind me to either turn on or turn off the security lights on the veranda, which were illogically placed in my room. I used to be disturbed by him, but since he is efficient, relatively honest, and keeps the place clean, I?ve learned to tolerate him?even like him. He also keeps our garden beautiful?a burgeoning tulasi forest with plenty of rose bushes.
I also started my regular evening program of joining Aindra’s kirtan. The kirtans gets better and better?and more and more popular. It’s quite a show and very spiritually potent. Bhurijan Prabhu told me that, for him, ISKCON-Vrindaban means the Deities and Aindra’s kirtans. I agree. At least thirty resident devotees and countless pilgrims regularly attend. The “going to shows” or concert-tendency can easily be dovetailed in Vrindaban.