Archive for January, 2001

Vrindaban His Holiness Radhanatha Swami

Dhanurdhara Swami January 11th, 2001

Vrindaban

His Holiness Radhanatha Swami will be here for the day. I finished my morning program early so I could attend his class. I was surprised that the temple room, which by design is partially exposed to the outside, was packed in the middle of the chilly and cold winter.

ISKCON is not as united as it needs to be. There are too many disputes and grudges. Unfortunately, that is also the case here in Vrindaban, and it is therefore difficult to sense the spirit of community which, for most people, is necessary for spiritual life. A spiritual leader, however, immediately creates a sense of community, uniting people around the desire to hear about Krishna. I sensed that today upon entering the temple.

Maharaja told the story about the Chand Kazi in a very animated way. At the end of class, someone asked how the devotees felt toward the Chand Kazi considering that he had initially persecuted the Vaishnavas. Maharaja spoke very strongly about the Vaishnavas? quality of forgiveness.

I was sitting near the altar in front of Krishna-Balarama. I noticed a former Vrindaban gurukula student from America, sitting in the front of the class. He had been at times very vocal about the mistakes made in the pioneer days of the development of gurukula, and my responsibility for them as head of one the main schools. Fortunately, this former student has very good parents who supported him. Thus, despite whatever difficulties he faced in his youth, he is well-situated, happily married, and a good devotee.

When Maharaja was speaking about forgiveness, I sensed that?seeing both the former student and myself in the audience?he was also subtly directing the point to him, especially as I believe this devotee has regard for Maharaja. That Maharaja?s preaching may have been somewhat directed in this way seemed to be confirmed later in the day when I returned to the temple in the evening for Aindra?s kirtan and noticed this devotee chanting right opposite me. When the kirtan finished, he surprisingly came over to me in a friendly and respectful manner to ask me how I was doing. We talked casually for a few minutes before he had to leave tomeet his wife. I was relieved that he seemed to have forgiven me and it also gave me hope that in time progress can be made with some of the other students that are still affected by bad experiences in gurukula.

His decision to approach me could have been simply a result of his natural maturity. Still, I can?t help but sense that the discourse this morning was a factor.

Vrindaban I am very busy

Dhanurdhara Swami January 10th, 2001

Vrindaban

I am very busy trying to get everything done and ready in two days for the pilgrimage to Mayapur. No time to mull over my realizations for the day. Even if I did, I doubt how many I would have in this whirl of passion.

Vrindaban Met a young devotee

Dhanurdhara Swami January 9th, 2001

Vrindaban

Met a young devotee just out of high school who was originally coming for my tour, but came with a friend who convinced him to come early. It was a mistake. He has already decided to return to the West after two days in Vrindaban. I didn?t try to convince him to stay as his mind was already back home and his parents?who didn?t want him here in the first place?already booked his return flight. If only he had come to Vrindaban as planned he could have had a different experience. He might not have even wanted to leave.

I gave some encouragement and advice:

?There is a fruit to your short and abruptly ended tour in the form of an important lesson. Spiritual activities should be done more carefully under guidance, especially in areas where one is inexperienced and the intelligence is not yet fixed.?

His difficulties also show how much perception is dependent on consciousness?especially in relationship to spiritual phenomena like the holy dhama. Bhaktivinoda Thakur therefore compares the dhama to a beautiful ocean covered by a thin layer of oil, as Yogamaya shelters the charm of the holy dhama from materialists by a thin veil of material energy. The holy dhama?s glories are thus revealed to one who approaches it with a suitable consciousness under the proper guidance.

Vrindaban Up early for studies,

Dhanurdhara Swami January 8th, 2001

Vrindaban

Up early for studies, a little exercise, chanting, bathing, and then giriraja-puja. A morning filled with spiritual sound has a strong effect on one?s consciousness. Today I will need it.

Got into an argument with Panditji, our chokidar (the gatekeeper). He didn?t give a bill for some items he was supposed to purchase for the ashram, and some things that he bought were definitely used. He is generally respectful in his own loud way, but he is very proud and has a terrible temper. Although it is certain that he cheated us, he took offense that I questioned him. He now also comes and goes when he wants. I complained to Muna, our neighbor, who is supposed to be managing the japa-kutir for Baladeva. Muna says he will speak to the chokidar. Panditji does keep the place very clean and well repaired, but I prefer that he is not here. I just tolerate. Some young Indian devotees who I helped bring to Krishna consciousness came to see me to complain about how they are being treated. The issue is somewhat complex and the people dealing with them have legitimate concerns. I make some calls and try to mediate. It could have been resolved easily, but now the differences seem irreconcilable. It?s a touch of the craziness of kali-yuga, the age of quarrel and confusion. When my service in Vrindaban was administration, this would have been a typical day. Actually with the problems we had to face it would have even been one of the more relatively peaceful days! I now have quite a different life and it?s a blessing. I want to keep Vrindaban sacred which is difficult for me to do in the midst of constant turmoil. I didn?t come here for that.

Vrindaban For the last year

Dhanurdhara Swami January 7th, 2001

Vrindaban

For the last year I have been seeking inspiration to understand in which way I should direct my service to Srila Prabhupada?s mission. I was given the gurukula and I took that service as my life and soul. I left that to preach in America, and although I certainly feel that preaching in the US is part of my service, it doesn?t fully utilize my energies and abilities because of various circumstances and restrictions beyond my control. To find clear direction in service is a real concern of mine. Sacinanada Swami gave me the advice to increase my desire and prayer for that clarity. I did.

I think I felt a breakthrough today. I hope it is not just sentiment. While working on my next book, a comprehensive study of the First Canto, a surge of satisfaction beset my heart. I have a strong inspiration to write, to feel absorbed and engaged in the service, and it is conducive to my situation.

Years ago I wrote Satsvarupa Maharaja about my uncertainty to as what Srila Prabhupada wants me to do now that it is not possible for me to pursue his instruction to develop gurukula. He gave me very practical advice?a bit bold for the time. I remember it something like this: ?Just find out what you want to do for Krishna, and just accept that as what Srila Prabhupada wants you to do.? It wasn?t advice to act whimsically, but practical advice to offer my best to Krishna and to understand that that?s what Srila Prabhupada wants.

Devotional service means to please Krishna. We generally like to do activities that we do well, and whatever we do well is naturally the best we can offer to Krishna. Isn?t that how the spiritual master practically engages his disciples? Arjuna fully surrendered to Lord Krishna?sarva dharman parityajya?and Krishna told him to fight.

I am sitting at my desk, in direct view of Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi. His presence is felt, although my windows and curtains are closed to seal my room off from the harsh winter winds. This realization came while I was writing on Srimad Bhagavatam, 1.1.8. I return to my writing and am taken aback when I realize what is described in the section I am about to study:

?The secret of success in spiritual life is in satisfying the spiritual master and thereby getting his sincere blessings. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti has sung in his famous eight stanzas on the spiritual master as follows: ‘I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of my spiritual master. Only by his satisfaction can one please the Personality of Godhead, and when he is dissatisfied there is only
havoc on the path of spiritual realization.’?

I take it as a further confirmation and continue to write.

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