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February 2001 Archives

February 1, 2001

Vrindaban Most of the devotees

Vrindaban

Most of the devotees leave tonight. Many told me they had life-changing experiences confirming my conviction that pilgrimage—times of the year dedicated solely to the pleasure of God—are an essential part for spiritual development.

We enjoyed the krishna-katha so much at Javat and Nandagram yesterday that I feel impelled to continue speaking on Chandrika Camutkara, Krishna's uproarious pranks written by Viswanatha Cakravarti Thakur, instead of Caitanya-Bhagavata for my evening class. We also roll in waves of hilarity as Krishna disguises himself as a female doctor to cure Srimati Radharani.

February 3, 2001

Vrindaban I called Raghunatha, the

Vrindaban

I called Raghunatha, the director of the Bhaktivedanta Hospital, to confirm a date for a minor surgery I require. Raghunatha told me that he had just returned from Bhuj, the epicenter of the huge earthquake that had devastated Gujurat, where the Bhaktivedanta Hospital team rushed a team of doctors to assist in the medical relief, distribute prasadam, hold kirtana, and provide counseling.

These doctors have their jobs, families, and are strict in their spiritual practices. They also diligent in the various devotional services they have, so already every spare moment is being utilized in Krishna’s service. This emergency relief work must be a great sacrifice for them. I worked hard for most of my life for Srila Prabhupada's mission and now Krishna has given me time for my spiritual practices, but their surrender and selflessness makes me feel almost guilty about staying longer in Vrindaban to personally enjoy my spiritual life.

Raghunatha described to me the devastation and fear he saw in Gujarat. He asked one taxi driver who picked him up at the airport what it was like in his town during the earthquake. The driver described how his simple dwelling suddenly began to shake violently and how he quickly grabbed his wife and child and ran out to the road. He then described seeing a large greenish brown cloud hover over the whole village like the aftermath of an explosion, and how when it settled minutes later, there was absolutely nothing left of his village—only rubble.

While speaking to Raghunatha, I recalled Srila Prabhupada's words in his last days to his young sannyasis. "Don't think this won't happen to you." I am now enjoying Vrindaban life, but I shouldn't forget the inherent suffering nature of material existence, and how I also will inevitably face material devastation, in one form or another, unless by advancement in Krishna consciousness, I transcend the dualities of the world.

February 5, 2001

Vrindaban Time is ticking away

Vrindaban

Time is ticking away in Vrindaban. I become conscious of the worth of every moment. I should live everyday in this consciousness, not only when leaving here reminds me of the value of every moment in life for advancement in devotional service.

I leave in a week. I need to energize myself for a serious use of my final days here, but I feel the counterforce of winding down my stay here.

February 6, 2001

Nityananda Trayodasi Kaustubha has been

Nityananda Trayodasi

Kaustubha has been praying for Gaura-Nitai deities since the beginning of tour. He found an exquisite set of 12" astadatu Gaura-Nitai deities in Vrindaban that he had refined by Prabhu Dayal, a saintly artisan near Loi Bazaar. This morning at 7AM, in the japa-kutir, we install the deities by abhishek and kirtan. I speak briefly on the glories of Nitai.

Rama Raya comes in quickly to take darshan before running back to the temple to complete his own worship before the temple kirtan begins at 10 o'clock. He speaks briefly and I appreciate his points.

"The Deity one eventually worships should be a manifestation of the Lord that one has already been worshiping is His heart and thus one should be somewhat mature before worshiping personal deities."

Of course, deity worship is generally considered for neophyte devotees, but his point is well taken. It is not solely for neophyte devotees, and ideally, such worship should have some connection to one's spiritual sentiments, otherwise deity worship can become a fad, and the deities can go neglected, like a mantle piece on a shelf.

By serving the sankirtan mission sincerely for years, Kaustubha has a naturally deep affinity for Gaura-Nitai. His deities are a manifestation of the Lord in his heart and will be worshiped with affection.

February 7, 2001

Vrindaban I'm finally settled in

Vrindaban

I'm finally settled in my regular Vrindaban program and I am even happily cooking for myself, but still the energy of leaving soon is unsettling and I am not satisfied with the quality of my studies.

An Ayurvedic doctor once told me that a person that lives in the present is in the mode of goodness, a person who lives in the future the mode of passion, and a person who lives in the past the mode of ignorance. It takes me time to settle into the present, which is why I don't like traveling and never did, but it is my duty as a sannyasi and I surrender to my fate.

February 8, 2001

Vrindaban "The demigods place many

Vrindaban

"The demigods place many obstacles on the path of those who worship You to transcend the temporary abodes of the demigods and reach Your Supreme abode. Those who offer the demigods their assigned shares in the sacrificial performances encounter no such obstacles. But because You are the direct protector of Your devotee, he is able to step over the head of whatever obstacles the demigods place before him.” (Bhag. 11.4.10)

I read this interesting verse this morning in the Bhakti-sandarbha. The demigods are envious that the devotees will transcend their abode and thus put obstacles in their way. Jiva Gosvami, in his explanation to this text, reiterates that the troubles sent to a devotee do not remain obstacles on his path, but become steppingstones on a stairway toward God. In other words, the troubles sent a devotee, although externally appearing as obstacles, are meant to strengthen him by giving exactly the realizations required to move forward in spiritual life.

The image of Dhruva Maharaja comes to mind. He faced death personified at the end of his life, but instead of death subduing him, he stepped on the head of death to enter his celestial airplane back to Godhead. This verse from the Bhagavatam helps us understand the sense that a devotee becomes free from karma. It does not necessarily mean that when one becomes a devotee the reactions of his past do not come to him. That can happen. It means that the real fruit of karma, distress, does not come to him, as a devotee by dint of transcendental knowledge, reacts to all circumstances in a positive way to impel him further on his life's mission. He thus transcends the distress of his past sins, his karma, by rising above the duality of happiness and distress.

February 9, 2001

Vrindban My stay in Vrindaban

Vrindban

My stay in Vrindaban has been purifying. My attraction for chanting and hearing has increased. It has also enthused me to preach. I recall a verse that relates the internal development of Krishna consciousness with preaching. I was also able to find it:

"By sincere effort to hear Srimad-Bhagavatam, one realizes his constitutional relationship with the Lord in the transcendental humor of servitude, friendship, paternal affection, or conjugal love, and by such self-realization one becomes situated at once in the transcendental loving service of the Lord. Not only were all the pure devotees like Narada self-realized souls, but they were engaged in preaching work automatically by spiritual impetus, and thus they delivered many poor souls entangled in the material modes.” (Bhag. 2.8.5)

Although I am very much enthused to further the mission of Srila Prabhupada, the voice in my heart is directing me strongly to do in the West exactly what I do here—chant, study, and write with an open door to those who want to visit or hear me speak. It is quite a different outlook from last year where I was inspired to plan and preach vigorously in an outreach manner. Someone once told me that Bhaktisiddhanta once said that the best preacher is a bhajanandi who preaches. I never confirmed that statement, but I personally feel comfortable with the idea. The more I purify myself, the more effective I become in enthusing others in Krishna consciousness. Ultimately, I am open to Krishna's direction, and always open for opportunities to preach, but unless I am clearly directed or asked otherwise, my heart tells me to not make plans, just chant, hear, and write wherever I am invited to stay.

February 10, 2001

Vrindaban I leave in a

Vrindaban

I leave in a few days so I have stopped my evening class, but evidently not everyone knows. Just as I was leaving the japa-kutir to tie up some final business in town, Mother Thakurani, an older lady gurukula teacher, arrived at my door for class. She is with another lady, an actress from Venezuala, who became disillusioned with material life and dropped everything to search for God. In a chance visit to Vrindaban, she discovered Krishna consciousness. I agree to meet them in two days.

There's a great scope for preaching in Vrindaban, especially at this time of the year. It's just another reason that makes me sad to leave. It seems that the Krishna-Balarama Mandir, with hundreds of residents, and hundreds of visiting pilgrims from all over the world, could do more outside of the regular program to engage the devotees in chanting and hearing. After all, chanting and hearing is the purpose of coming to Vrindaban. I wonder what chance this lady will get to understand Srila Prabhupada's teachings.

February 11, 2001

Vrindaban An old friend visited

Vrindaban

An old friend visited me in the morning. He's a serious spiritual practitioner and quite learned, but not so well known to others. I haven't seen or talked to him in several years so I asked him how his spiritual practices have developed. To advance in spiritual life we need bhajan-siksa, instructions on how to develop and deepen our spiritual practices. In the absence of Srila Prabhupada, or a regular access to a proper siksa-guru, I take shelter of the sadhus—especially my Godbrothers. In discussions with them, I mold my personal spiritual practices considering my own practical assessment of my spiritual life. My friend has had his fair share of "trials by fire" and he shared his personal realizations on chanting.

He explained to me that in his in-depth of study of Srila Prabhupada's books, again and again Srila Prabhupada talks about taking shelter of and meditating on the lotus feet of the Lord, so during his japa he often just meditates on the lotus feet of Lord. He described how such meditation gives him a sense of deep peace and happiness, despite any external difficulties. I recognized within him the voice of conviction based on realization, so I immediately made a mental note to see how this realization could be incorporated into my own practices.

He said he also sometimes mediates on the forms of Radha and Krishna when chanting. I confronted him, not necessarily because I disagreed with him, but because I wanted to see his response. "But we are just suppose to hear the name,” I challenged.

He responded strongly. "But within the name is the Lord's form. After so many years of chanting we should be thinking of Krishna. It's the essence of sadhana-bhakti, the focus of all Srila Prabhupada's teachings, and the goal of life. My happiness comes from thinking of Krishna and that happens spontaneously when one chants His name."

"What about thinking of the Lord's lila?” I asked. He replied, "When I read the Bhagavatam, or Krishna’s pastimes, then sometimes the next day the pastimes will also appear in His name. Should I artificially not think of Krishna?"

We should focus primarily on hearing the holy name. We should, however, live our lives in such a way that devotion awakens in our heart and the holy name automatically invokes the Lord's form and activities.

February 12, 2001

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta’s Appearance Day Srila

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta’s Appearance Day
Srila Goura Govinda Swami’s Disappearance Day

"You shine forth as the natural leading monarch among the highest class of devotees, and you are the exclusive, ultimate aim of the highest class of devotees, and you are the exclusive, ultimate aim of the truly fallen due to your far-reaching merciful embrace. Your inconceivable lotus feet bestow full shelter for the cheater and the cheated. I eternally offer my respects unto that charming effulgence that shines forth from the radiant lotus toe-tips of Srila Bhaaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur Prabhupada." (Sri Prabhupada-Padma-Stavah by Srila Bhakti Raksaka Sridhar Maharaja)

It's an auspicious day and I want to take advantage of it, but I’m inclined to honor Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur in a more secluded way. I have a quiet celebration at the japa-kutir. I do an arati to Srila Bhaktisiddhanta, sing the Sri Prabhupada-Padma-Stavah, and then leave for Radha-Damodara to offer a garland at the puspa-samadhi of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta.

Srila Prabhupada said that the grandfather is more merciful than the father, so I remember Srila Bhaktisiddhanta's glories and pray for his mercy.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta's father, Srila Bhaktivinoda, prayed for a ray of Vishnu—a great soul to revitalize the tradition and teachings of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. When a spiritual tradition needs to be revitalized, deep realization is required to make the teachings relevant to the times. If one lacks such realization, one might either fanatically maintain all the customary forms of the tradition—even if that makes the message of Krishna consciousness seem incommunicable or irrelevant—or liberally change the established forms of the tradition in the name of preaching, losing the essence of those teachings in the process.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta, however, was a qualified Krishna conscious revolutionary. For the sake of spreading Krishna consciousness, he was able to radically alter some aspects of the tradition without compromising the essence of the teachings. Time has come to take me from Vrindaban. Although I have not left yet, I am already beginning to miss staying here. As it was my home for half my life, it is hard for me to analyze the depth of the spirituality of my attachment and separation for Vrindaban. Regardless, these feelings of separation and the tirobhava-tithi-mahotsava (the disappearance day) of Srila Gaura Govinda Swami inspired me to read his remarkable analysis of the intricacies of union and separation in his recorded lecture "The Fainting of Ramananda Raya."

"There are three types of separation and they are all discussed in Rupa Goswami's Ujjvala-Nilamani. Similarly, as there are three types of separation, there are also three types of union, milana. The three types of separation are bhavi, bhuta, and bhavan. First we will explain what is bhavi-viraha, what is bhuta-viraha, and what is bhavan-viraha. With concentrated attention one should hear about such topics and try to understand them. If Mahaprabhu will shower His mercy upon us it will be possible.

“Akrura has come to Vrindaban to take away Krishna. He has not yet taken Krishna away, though it must take place. When the gopis think of this, they feel some pangs of separation. This is bhavi-viraha It has not taken place, but Akrura has arrived and must take Krishna away. At that time they felt pangs of separation. This is known as bhavi-viraha.

“Then bhuta-viraha is explained in this way. After Akrura had taken Krishna away, day after day passed by. The more the days passed, the pangs of separation became more and more acute. This is known as bhuta-viraha.

“Then what is bhavan-viraha. The gopis are looking on, seeing Akrura taking away their prana-kanta, the most beloved of their eyes. Akrura is taken away their life. All the gopis came and through themselves before the wheels of the chariot. ‘Our life is getting out. How can we survive? Let the wheels of the chariot roll on our bodies. Let our bodies be crushed. Let us leave these bodies.’ They are rolling on the ground now. This is known as bhavan-viraha. The pangs of separation during this bhavan-viraha are most acute. So bhavi, bhuta, and bhavan—acute, more acute, and most acute.” (The Embankment of Separation, His Divine Grace Gour Govinda Swami Maharaja, p. 29)

The lady who came to my room two days ago returned to ask questions about Krishna. She asks many intelligent questions. An opportunity to preach like this in Vrindaban is a natural way to honor the spirit of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta on his appearance day. Gokula Taruni has also come and I have asked her to arrange a basic class for her while she is here.

February 13, 2001

Vrindaban /Govardhana /Bombay I leave

Vrindaban /Govardhana /Bombay

I leave the japa-kutir early this morning to spend my last day in the dhama at Govardhana. I have the taxi stop in front of the Sri Krishna-Balarams Mandir for a quick darshan of Sri Sri Radha-Shyamasundara.

At the temple I beg every devotee I meet to pray that I may return. I then follow my ritual of leaving the dhama: I hug saintly Vibhu Caitanya, then take caranamrita from his hand, point to Sri Sri Radha-Shyamasundara and, in broken Hindi, beg him to request Radhe-Shyam for my quick return. He smiles and nods.

On my way to Govardhana, I stop at Radha-kunda for one last bath. I pray to be able to assimilate my experiences in Vrindaban so that I may incorporate them in my life even outside the dhama.

A realization comes: although Vrindaban is glorious and an unparalleled inspiration for spiritual life, more important is to take full shelter of the holy name and remain in good consciousness regardless of one's place of residence.

After Radha-kunda, lunch, and rest at the Bhaktivedanta Ashram, I leave for Mathura to catch the evening train to Bombay.

February 14, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay I

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

I rise early on the train and chant with a determination to carry the spirit of the dhama with me. For each round, I systematically recall a place of pilgrimage we visited and the sentiments of devotion that inspired me there. It makes for good train chanting and I am able to chant most of the time until our destination. But can I maintain my zeal without the facility of the dhama to nourish my enthusiasm for chanting?

I stop at the Radha-Gopinatha Mandir for prasadam, and then it’s on to the hospital for check in.

February 15, 2001

Bhaktivedanata Hospital - Bombay When

Bhaktivedanata Hospital - Bombay

When I met Malati Mataji in Vrindaban and told her that I was going to Bombay for a minor surgery she remarked casually that the Bhaktivedanta Hospital has become a favorite pit stop for many devotees. I like the analogy: a few wheels changed, a screw turned, a part removed and fixed, some gas in the tank, and back out to race as normal.

I am trying to remain detached, being happy with Krishna's will. I don't like when my world moves so antithetical to my plans, but I've had plenty of practice in the last five years, so I'm fairly resigned to my fate.

Krishna Prema, my surgeon, meets me at 10 in the morning and informs me that he will operate tomorrow at 7am. He also arranges for a few pre-operative procedures today.

February 16, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay I’ve

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

I’ve never been in an operation theatre before. At least the doctor wears tilak and Srila Prabhupada's soothing voice is in the background. The anaesthesiologist gives me a spinal tap. From the waste down I am complete numb to the extent that I have no awareness of where my legs are. I try to move them, but there's absolutely no trace of a connection between my will and my kinesis. It is humbling. I am not even the controller of my basic functions.

I am conscious during the whole operation, but feel nothing. I didn't know what to expect but I'm reasonably relaxed and able to chant. Toward the end, I hear the doctor singing along with Srila Prabhupada's tape—a sure sign that things went well.

Post operation room: Sensation returns to my legs and so does the pain. It's barely tolerable, but the thought of living like this for a day seems tortuous. No choice but to take shelter of the holy name.

The nurses wheel me to my room, then intravenous injections are administered and I am pumped with drugs. Pain is gone, but I must lie with my legs up without drinking or eating for the rest of the day. I don't know what they gave me, but it must be quite powerful, because I lie on my back reading Bhakti-sandarbha for several hours, and don't even sleep for the rest of the day.

February 17, 2001

Bhaktivedanata Hospital - Bombay The

Bhaktivedanata Hospital - Bombay

The body is naturally traumatized and doesn't work normally. Sometimes pain, but just general discomfort. I can live with it, but I'm not at all productive.

Srila Prabhupada’s soothing voice plays day and night in my room. My condition forces me to be dependent. It creates the proper mood to hear. My body pains, but my heart is soothed and soothed by the shelter of Srila Prabhupada's deep, melodic, and tonic voice.

An unexpected fruit of my hospital stay: increased attachment to the refuge of Srila Prabhupada’s lotus feet.

February 18, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay I

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

I saw an interesting article in the newspaper. A muftir—a muslim priest—blames the earthquake in Gujarat to the degradation of the youth caused by television, which has angered Allah. The article reports that after hearing the muftir's judgment, Muslim youth from all over Gujarat have been pouring out into the streets by the hundreds smashing their families’ television sets.

His analysis is a bit simplistic, but there is also truth to it. The ultimate cause of suffering is turning the turning the consciousness from God and there is no medium more powerful in absorbing and diverting the consciousness to the external energy than TV. A devotee home is usually much better with out it.

February 19, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay A

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

A surgeon's life is very hectic. He may be called upon for an emergency operation at any hour of the day, sometimes even in the middle of the night. I therefore appreciate that Krishna Prema visits me daily to deal with a few minor complications from the surgery.

During his visits we mostly speak krishna-katha and today we spoke for several hours. I heard that Krishna Prema has made many of his patients Krishna conscious. I don't remember the number, but I seem to remember the number at either thirty or eighty. I was curious how he is was able to introduce so many people to Krishna consciousness, most of them now chanting sixteen rounds, and asked him how he does it.

He explained that although he doesn't overtly try to convert his patients to Krishna consciousness, several factors cause the patients to inquire about devotional service. He wears tilak. The patients are impressed with the hospital and the character and spirituality of the doctors. The doctor-patient relationship is naturally one of respect. In addition, I observe that he is a very personable, approachable, and is a good communicator.

I like the concept of introducing people to Krishna consciousness by showing how our philosophy is practically demonstrated through our character and work in the world. I see this type of outreach as the future of Krishna consciousness, especially in America, although attractive centers of Krishna consciousness to invite people to are also important. I've already seen many examples of this, where people who would ordinarily never meet devotees are introduced to Krishna consciousness by becoming attracted to the character of a devotee at work. One example stands out in my mind.

Kunja-Kisori was a secretary at a fairly large advertising corporation in New York City. She was competent, well-liked, and did not hide that she was a devotee. She was therefore able to invite me to her office on a Friday afternoon and inform the staff there that her guru was coming. It was an informal dress-down day at the office, but still, I was surprised to see that over 40 people left their offices to meet me by her desk. I visited many other offices in her firm as well. At one office, I was given a bouquet of flowers. At another office, a respectable looking middle-aged man with a full crop of gray hair suddenly appeared at our door, handed me a banana, and with a smile on his face totally surprised me by saying, “Have some some prasadam! There was even one computer print out on one office door that read “WELCOME HARE KRISHNA!”

If there were a Krishna conscious center in Manhattan at the time I would have invited her whole office, and certainly many would have come. I was, however, able to arrange a dinner program at a friend’s apartment on the Upper West Side, but unfortunately, by apartment rules, only fifteen guests could be hosted. When I was organizing the program with Kunja-Kisori, she had to be very thoughtful on whom to invite because there were more people interested then we could accommodate. It was a successful program. Fifteen people came, including the production manager and senior writer, and I became convinced that this approach to introducing Krishna consciousness was very effective.

February 20, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay I

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

I am meeting so many substantial devotees here, many whom I have known before. Yesterday I spoke with Damodar Pandit from the hospital’s spiritual care department. I’ve known him since the early 1980s when he was in charge of the Bhakti-Kala-Ksetra theatre in Hare Krishna Land, Juhu. He's a very compassionate person, a missionary in the traditional sense, and works tirelessly day and night comforting those suffering in the hospital by giving them spiritual knowledge. He cannot recall one person who was not receptive.

His background is interesting. He met Harikesa and Sacinananda Maharaja at a program in Vienna where he was going to school at the time. He was, at the time, a South Indian Christian, whose mother was a pious catholic who even helped Mother Theresa.

He shared his realizations with me:

“When one is suffering disease, being denied pleasure, they often tend to want to take shelter of material enjoyment. Their suffering only increases. If, however, they take shelter of spirituality, to the extent that they do, their suffering decreases. It's a scientific formula. It's amazing to see the relief the patients automatically feel by just a little transcendental knowledge and how many of them become inspired to go further in spiritual life. I am dedicating my life to helping people in this way. What else is there to live for?”

Damodar Pandit’s wife died of cancer and by seeing her totally conquer fear by her faith in Krishna, he accepted her as a type of guru. When she died he became completely detached and dedicated his life to sharing with sick or dying people what he had learned from her. I am very inspired by such devotees who are selfless and detached, concerned only for the welfare of others.

February 21, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay Today

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

Today is the only day I have a chance to get out on my stand-by pass as the airlines will soon get too crowded. If I don't get on today, then I will have to purchase another ticket at a great expense. I am also taking the risk of leaving today, since you usually get business class with my pass, and this would, perhaps, make the journey tolerable. The doctors have advised that I not travel today because of the discomfort and pain, but they still assure me the risk to my overall health and recovery will probably not be jeopardized.

I go to the airport and wait for several hours, but there are absolutely no seats available even though I was told this morning that my chances were good. I realize that there are practically no more off-season flights in India, as the planes are almost always booked, and that my pass is almost useless. I'm actually relieved, however, to come back to the hospital since the trip would have certainly been hell.

February 22, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay There

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

There are some Vaishnavas from India in the next room. They have been here for some time, but I was too ill to pay much attention to them. I'm feeling a bit better today and I start to take more notice. They are obviously not new converts to Vaishnavism. Converts may adopt the accouterments of the tradition, but still, the culture of one's upbringing, in the form of certain behavior, mannerisms, speech, and even one's mode of Vaishnava dress—such as colored kurtas and designer bead bags—often expose the adopted nature of one's faith. I am not commenting on the status of devotion of those converted to Vaishnavism, because bhakti is independent, and the depth of commitment required to buck the religion of one's birth often makes one very staunch in his practices. However, my point is that the dress, mannerisms, and expressions of my humble neighbors here in the hospital indicate the inborn nature of their faith and it naturally attracts me.

I made a point to speak to them today and was pleasantly surprised to find out they were not only Vaishnavas, but brijabasis from Varsana. They reside at the ashram at the base of mor kutir, where our kirtan party visited less than a month ago, only to be overwhelmed by the simplicity and purity of the local residents. Even more surprising was that they were the son and daughter of Babulal Ramji—the revered saint whose disappearance festival we visited that day by fate!

I spend some time with them and I am instinctively drawn to the simple devotion and character. They are leaving today. I lament that I didn't get more of their association.

February 23, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay A

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

A phone call comes and an argument of sorts ensues. It’s not a heated argument; in fact, the call is from a respectful person seeking advice. For me to help him, however, he needs to recognize some of the mistakes he has made. He is resistant and it leads to a long and absorbing discussion. After the call, I realized that during the call I had completely forgot the discomfort of my body.

It's so clear that the identification with the body is just a mental conception. Why was I so absorbed in my body for the last few days? Why didn't I transcend it more for kirtan and krishna-katha, like I did for a simple phone discussion? I lament.

February 24, 2001

February 24, 2001 Bhaktivedanta Hospital

February 24, 2001
Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

In the last week I couldn't concentrate and enjoy Krishna consciousness because of my discomfort and illness. My condition wasn't that bad. Isn't it time that I started transcending the bodily concept of life? What will I do at death? The happiness of Krishna consciousness is bhakti, or love—a condition of the heart. Why should it be so hampered by the condition of my body? Perhaps I am equating spiritual consciousness with mundane comforts and peacefulness and thus becoming discouraged in spiritual life by the uneasiness of illness.

February 25, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay I

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

I met Mother Nartaki, my Godsister and a professional nurse who just returned from the earthquake-afflicted area of Gujarat. She noted how pious people take shelter of God in distress. As their harinam party went from village to village, the people enthusiastically welcomed the devotees. At one village one family, including a mother with an injured child in her arms, came running to their door to respectfully greet the kirtan party. Nartaki Mataji looked up in appreciation at these pious and perseverant people, but cried when she noticed that the frame of their front door was the only thing still standing in their home. She cried for their suffering, cried for their stoicism, and cried for their simple piety and devotion.

She opined that such people would do much better than us at the time of death. They already struggle and work hard living a simple village farm life and are already so tolerant of bodily inconvenience and difficulty.

Giriraja, the orthopedic surgeon, also confirmed this. He has been operating on many of the villagers from Gujarat who have been rushed to the Bhaktivedanta Hospital. He described that because of their rigorous and natural life there are so much stronger than the people form the city. As proof of this, he described how after operating on some of the Gujarati earthquake victims, their bones would heal twice as fast as people with similar conditions from Bombay.

February 26, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay More

Bhaktivedanta Hospital - Bombay

More sannyasis are stopping in for a pit stop. Prahladananda Swami and Bhakti Caitanya Swami arrive today for some medical care. Now that I no longer going to Mayapur at the time of the GBC meetings, there are certain Godbrothers that I rarely see. We are all past fifty and our bodies are naturally wearing down so now the hospital is probably the most likely place I will see them. Prahladananda Swami and Bhakti Caitanya Maharaja are both very much involved with and staunchly loyal to the institutional side of ISKCON. By fate, I am much different. In some ways we are not likeminded, but they are real gentlemen, I respect them as saints, and admire their steady unmotivated service. I enjoy their association.

February 27, 2001

Bhaktivedanta Hospital/New York/New Jersey A

Bhaktivedanta Hospital/New York/New Jersey

A tough morning for the body, but some nice thoughts for the mind. Spontaneous devotional service means to aspire for the mood of the brijabasi. Although Srila Prabhupada has not revealed his eternal identity, I do know it in a sense. I know something of his qualities and his consciousness, which certainly must reflect his eternal mood of service in Vrindaban. By meditating on and aspiring for that, and contemplating how it's connected with Vrindaban, it's a preliminary meditation on following the mood of the brijabasis.

I leave early in the morning for the 7am flight to the U.S., but I'm still not well. The doctor said that full recovery could take a month. A tough flight back, but it ould have been much worse. Krishna protected me.

February 28, 2001

New Jersey I'm recovering at

New Jersey

I'm recovering at my mother's house, which for now provides the seclusion and facilities I need for recovery. The surgery feels much better, but I think the drugs I took in the hospital have substantially weakened me. I hardly remember ever having taken even an aspirin in the last thirty years, but all day today there is fever, weakness, and a stomach virus.

About February 2001

This page contains all entries posted to Waves of Devotion | Journals in February 2001. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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